Breaking News
>
> The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
> threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed"
> to "Peeved."
>
> Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated"
> or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since
> the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have
> been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last
> time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588,
> when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
>
> The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's
> get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the
> reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for
> the last 300 years.
>
> The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
> terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
> France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by
> a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
> paralyzing the country's military capability.
>
> Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"
> to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
> "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
>
> The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful
> Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
> have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
>
> Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
> threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
>
> The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
> deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
> Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
>
> Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
> to "She'll be alright, Mate." Three more escalation levels remain:
> "Crikey,!" "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and
> "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
> of the final escalation level.
